Lessons from the Fab Four

On the way up to Sacramento today, Theo was talking my ear off in the car--a zillion questions! This one particularly amused me:

Theo: Mom, can we go on a submarine?
Me: Someday, sure...
Theo: Mom, a submarine is like a boat, you know. It goes in the ocean. You can look through the periscope and see things.
Me: You're right! Where did you learn about submarines, anyway? Preschool?
Theo: No, Mom. From the Beatles!

Oh, that submarine...

The Change

Today, my Mom got to field Theo's 1,001 questions about anything and everything. My favorite? "Grandma, did you used to be a man?"

I'm still snickering over that one. :-)

A New Tactic

Theo likes to stir up trouble at the lunch table at school. Often he uses potty talk to do so, but sometimes he finds other ways to try to incite a riot among his peers. Today, he came home from school with a nearly full lunchbox, and I knew he must've been stirring up trouble and lost his lunch privileges. So we had a chat:

Me: Theo, why didn't you eat your lunch?
Theo: I was all done.
Me: Oh, you weren't hungry?
Theo: No, Miss Jessica said I was all done.
Me: Why did she say you were all done?
Theo: Because I wasn't behaving at the lunch table.
Me: I see. And what were you doing?
Theo: I was stomping my feet.
Me: Didn't Teacher Amanda tell you to use quiet legs, quiet body at the lunch table?
Theo: Yes.
Me: So why were you stomping your feet?
Theo: Because I wanted my friends to stomp their feet. I was doing a lesson for them.

Ah, I see. Foot-stomping has been a problem in the past, so I know full well that Teacher Amanda has specifically told Theo not to stomp his feet at lunch...and I know that he knows not to do it. Last week, he attempting to blame lunchtime foot-stomping on an imaginary friend. I see that this week he has moved on to the "I'll pretend I'm the teacher so I'm above the law" strategy. Well-played, Theo, well-played... Alas, Miss Jessica enforced the law anyway, so he came home a hungry little boy.

Appropriate Viewing

The most amusing question I've had all day:

Theo: Mom, can I watch a pecker show?

After I finished laughing, I made a mental note to make sure he refers to this in the future as "a Woody Woodpecker show," lest we find ourselves in an embarrassing situation where he tells his preschool teacher that his mom lets him watch "pecker shows."

Delinquent in Training

Sometimes I think my kid is practicing to be a juvenile delinquent. He just loves stirring up trouble at school. First it was stomping his feet at the lunch table to get everyone else to do it, too. When he got corrected for that, he invented an imaginary friend to be the stomping ringleader. (Clever, clever...) Lately, though, he's turned to another method of riling up his friends at lunchtime: potty talk. Today I got a note sent home saying that he hadn't been allowed to finish his lunch because he persisted in doing potty talk at lunch--specifically, he asked another child if he'd like to go to the "poop store." (I snicker even typing that! And I wonder where he gets his sense of humor from...)

Anyway, even though I'm secretly amused by the idea of a "poop store," I know I can't encourage Theo to keep being disruptive, so I talked to him about the issue. It went like this:

Me: Theo, I heard you got in a bit of trouble at lunch. Teacher Amanda said you were using potty words at lunch.
Theo: Yes. [He always says yes. And always very seriously. It's kinda funny.]
Me: You know it's not appropriate to say those words anywhere that's not the bathroom.
Theo: Yes.
Me: That means you don't say peepee, poopoo, bottom, or penis at the lunch table.
Theo: What about butt? You forgot about butt, Mom. [Because he always likes to get the last word!!]
Me: That's right. No butt, either. Do you understand?
Theo: Yes.
Me: Why do you say those words at lunch when you know you're not supposed to?
Theo: Because I like to say those words. They're nice words!
Me: Not really! And they get you in trouble. Do you like to get in trouble?
Theo: No. Nikolas likes to get in trouble!

Ah, a final attempt to weasel out of trouble! Shift the focus to your cousin, Nikolas! Clever, clever. Except that I happen to know full well that Nikolas actually doesn't particularly like to get in trouble. Theo, on the other hand...well, he likes to stir the pot. :-)

The Power of Persuasion

For the most part, we encourage healthy eating in our house. And Theo is a great eater--loves his fruits and veggies! Because of that, we have no problem with allowing him the occasional "junk food" treat--everything in moderation, you know?

One of his favorite treats is a trip to McDonald's. He likes to "take" Grandma Diane there when we visit her, and every so often he and Chris will have a father/son breakfast date to McDonald's or Burger King.

So today, as I drove him home from occupational therapy, he apparently decided that he'd like to go for a fast-food treat.

Theo: Mommy, I know! How about we stop and get me something for dinner?
Me: Um...we have food at home.
Theo (undeterred): How about we go to McDonald's?!
Me: Not today, buddy. I'll make you dinner when we get home.
Theo: But Mommy, wouldn't you like some ice cream at McDonald's?

Ooooh, clever trick, my son! And it might've worked...if only our McDonald's wasn't closed for construction right now. Because I have to admit, a McDonald's hot-fudge sundae is indeed a tasty treat!

Smart Aleck

My son is a smart aleck at age 4 1/2. I couldn't help snickering when I heard the following exchange. Chris was trying to correct Theo for messing with the blinds in the kitchen (something that he's been told many times not to do--they're already broken, and we don't want them further broken).

Chris: Theo, do not touch the blinds. You know not to touch those. If you touch them again, you get a five-minute timeout.
Theo: [Silence]
Chris: Did you hear me?
Theo: Yes.
Chris: What did I say? [It's sometimes crucial to have Theo repeat what you've said, because things often go in one ear and out the other.]
Theo: You said, 'Blah biddy blah blah...'

Well, that's what he heard, anyway....

Cure for the Common Sore Throat

Theo is nothing if not inventive. Today, he was scheming for a tasty treat. I heard this from the back of the car:

Theo (creating a "conversation" between himself and me): "Oh, my froat [throat] pinches!" [and then in an imitation of my voice] "Oh, really, Theo? Okay, let's go home and get you some sorbet to make your throat feel better!"
Me [laughing]: You are a scam artist, my friend! Nice try...
Theo: Mommy, my froat hurts!
Me: Really? Well, if your throat hurts, you probably shouldn't go to preschool today....
Theo: It doesn't hurt, Mommy. Not too much. It just needs to be a yittle bit stronger.
Me: So what would make it stronger?
Theo: Maybe some black-eyed peas...
Me: Oh--black-eyed peas make a sore throat better?
Theo: Yes. Or maybe a popsicle.... I know, Mommy--we will just drive home and get a popsicle!

Nice try, my little friend...nice try....

Best Offer I've Had All Day

Upon walking in the house after a lovely solo stroll, I was greeted with, "Mom! I'm pooping! Would you like to come enjoy this fabulous poo poo?"

I would like nothing more.... ;-)

What Pirates Do

Sometimes I don't know where Theo comes up with his ideas. They really just materialize out of thin air. Like this one:

Theo: Mom, do pirates search for buried treasure?
Me: Yes, I suppose they do.
Theo: And Mom, do pirates put things in the garbage can?
Me: Um...probably???

I'm still wondering where that came from....

GOAL!!!!

Theo has recently joined a tot-soccer team. They do little pre-soccer skills and such. I think Theo's favorite part is the running. Yesterday, the coach instructed all the kiddos to run to the blue flag. And so you saw a pack of 15 preschoolers running to the blue flag...and one lone preschooler running the other direction across the field. I don't think I need to tell you which preschooler was the lone wolf!

So an assistant coach jogged up to him and said, "Hey, Theo, you're supposed to be running to the blue flag!"

Theo's reply? "I am running to the blue flag!"...as he pointed to another blue flag located on a different soccer field.

That's my boy! Always headed toward the goal, but always doing it his way. :-)

Scam Artist

Theo is a consummate scam artist. Yesterday, his skills were on full display at CuriOdyssey (a small zoo/science museum). I was sitting on a shady bench with Sam, who was napping in the stroller. Theo had been off exploring with Chris and came running up to me. I picked him up and asked what he'd been doing, and we had the following conversation:

Theo: Mommy, how are you feeling?
Me: I'm feeling just fine, Theo. How are you?
Theo (in a weak-sounding voice): I'm feeling a little bit sick.
Me (suspicious, given that he had been running around happily all day...but still wanting to show the appropriate concern): You're sick? How?
Theo (weakly): My froat [throat]. Look at it.
Me: Your throat hurts? [Peering in his mouth, I see nothing amiss.]
Theo (still weakly): Yes. My froat hurts. I'm sick.
Me: I'm sorry you don't feel well....
Theo (and still weakly): I fink maybe a popsicle would help me feel better....

Aha! The real motive surfaces! I laughed, put him down, and said, "Nice try!"...and he ran off happy as ever. Funny how quickly that "sore throat" cleared up!

Elevators

From Theo, who knows about such things:

"There are five kinds of elevators. There are elevators and escalators. And there are glass elevators. And there are wheelchair elevators [wheelchair lifts]. And there are pink elevators."

Hmmm. I was following him right up until the end....

The Face of a Thief

Okay, the smallest peanut doesn't talk yet, but if he could talk, this face would say, "Hahahahaha! I rolled myself over several times to successfully steal my big brother's prized Leapster!!"

To Each His Own...

Theo takes a really long time to wash his hands. And sometimes when a girl's gotta go, a girl's gotta go. So while he was washing his hands today, I walked into the bathroom and sat down to use the toilet. And we had this chat:

Theo: Ooooh, peepee! Mommy, I'm really enjoying your peepee!
Me: Um...thanks??
Theo: And I will enjoy your poopoo, too!

For the record, there was no poop for him to enjoy. Much to his chagrin...

Geriatric Vocabulary

Theo has been throwing out the word "butt" whenever possible lately, largely because he knows he's not supposed to say it. And so, this morning, as we got in the car, I got this question:

Theo: Mommy, can people say "butt" when they're 91?

Um, yes...I suppose they can. And isn't that a reason why we should all aspire to live to age 91?!

Preschool Curriculum

One of my Mom's biggest gripes about me is that when I was a kid, every day she'd ask me how school was, and every day I'd flatly reply, "Boring." She'd get frustrated and say, "Can't you ever say anything else about it?" and I'd reply, "Well, it is boring."

Theo has yet to tell me that school is boring when I ask him about it. Instead, we get exchanges like this one today:

Me: Theo, how was preschool?
Theo: It was good.
Me: What did you do at preschool today?
Theo: Talked about peepee and poopoo.

Sigh...somehow I bet that was not part of the planned curriculum.

Letter of the Law

Theo is a master of following the letter of the law...which makes setting rules somewhat exhausting. Most recently, this involved his current song obsession, "Baby Got Back." As I wrote in my previous post, I won't let him listen to that song because I don't want him repeating the lyrics, which really are pretty awful. (I'm no prude, but let's face it: The song totally objectifies women! I'm somewhat aghast that I even have the song...but it's catchy and a bit of a nostalgia trip from my younger days.)

Anyhoo...yesterday Theo found the CD, started to play it, and immediately started repeating the lyrics. So I confiscated it. Alas, that was not to be the end of it. This morning at breakfast, he piped up with a variation on the first line: "Oh...my...God, Becky. Look at all these butts!" (The actual line is "Look at her butt," and I have to admit that "Look at all these butts!" made me almost burst out laughing! Butts everywhere!! Yeah, we know where he gets his sense of humor from, don't we?!)

I quickly recovered and said sternly, "Theo, you know that's not appropriate. Do not say it again."

And Mr. Letter-of-the-Law replied, "Oh...my...God, Sammy. Look at her eyes!" I shot him a look, and he said, "I could say that, Mama! That's very appropriate!"

I thought for a moment and decided that he was pushing it (purposely!) and that I wanted to win this battle. So I replied, "It's not appropriate to say 'Oh my God,' either, Theo. Don't say that, either."

And so Mr. Smartass replied, "Oh...my...gosh, Sammy! Look at her butt! It's all wibbly-wubbly!"

Sigh...yes, I managed not to laugh at the "wibbly-wubbly" comment. Even though I was secretly chuckling inside, because let's face it--lots of butts are wibbly-wubbly, including my own! And the song doesn't say that, so I was kind of amused that he put his own spin on it. I'll never admit that to him, though. Instead, I'll spend my time trying to de-program "Baby Got Back" from his brain. So he can find another topic on which to outsmart me.

He Likes Big Butts and He Cannot Lie...

If you were born in the 1970s or early 1980s, chances are you've heard a little song by Sir Mix-a-Lot called "Baby Got Back." It's horrible and degrading...and terribly catchy. Admit it--if you grew up with you, you secretly love it! But it's not a kid-friendly song—the lyrics aren't something you really want your kid repeating at preschool...or church...or pretty much anywhere.

Like many other people in my age group, I have this song on my iPod. And in the time before iPods, I had it on a CD. And one day, I gave Theo a bunch of my old mix CDs. And what did he gravitate to? You guessed it--"Baby Got Back." When I heard him singing, "I like big BUTTS and I cannot lie..." I immediately confiscated the CD and put it away in a drawer.

Fast-forward six months. Theo found a bunch of CDs in a drawer and said, "Can I listen to this one?" I said yes, not thinking anything of it. And the little booger remembered exactly which track number "Baby Got Back" is!

I was nursing Sam when I heard the opening bars and Theo repeating the first line: "Oh...my...God, Becky, look at her butt! It's so big!" I immediately yelled into the next room, "Theo, not appropriate! Turn off that CD!"

His response? An innocent, "Oh, Mommy, I was just looking for Track 2. I can listen to Track 2 on this CD!"

Uh huh...that's why he "accidentally" played it several more times before I was able to get up and confiscate it. And why he's been walking around going, "Oh...my...God, Becky, look at her butt!" all evening.

He couldn't have found the Mozart CD, could he? It had to be Sir Mix-a-Lot....

Why You Should Never Make an Instructional Video with a Four-Year-Old in the Room

In honor of Down Syndrome Awareness month, I've been posting a tidbit about DS each day on Facebook. Today, I posted about speech, feeding, and oral placement therapy. I have several Facebook friends who I've never met--we've become friends through the Down syndrome community. One of them has a daughter just a bit younger than Sam, and she is having trouble getting her daughter to eat solids. So we talked back and forth, and I told her I'd send her a video of a feeding technique that our speech-language pathologist taught me.

Now, I've never met this woman, so I don't know how humorous (or not!) she finds "potty talk." Thus I will NOT be sending her my first attempt at the feeding-instruction video. Listen closely near the end to hear Theo's nonchalant announcement. Oh, Theo...never a dull moment!