Brotherly Love

Theo: Mommy, thank you for making a little brother for me!

Me: Oh, you're welcome, Theo. That's sweet...

Theo: Yeah, I can be his boss!

Ah, the truth comes out!

Eau de...???

Theo: Mom, why does your skin smell like that?

Me: Like what?

Theo: Um, like an old bath.

Me: What does that smell like?

Theo: I don't really know, but it's not good. Did you take a bath two years ago?

For the record, I had showered the night before. But evidently I still smelled as if I had last taken a bath two years ago!

And Again, How Is He NOT Already a Teenager?!

More from the sassy six-year-old:

Me: Theo, you need to do 15 minutes of quiet time in your room before dinner.
Theo (after screaming protests fell on deaf ears): Can I leave my door open?
Me: No, it needs to be closed.
Theo: Then I will just ignore you. I ignore people who aren't talking nicely to me.

I guess at least he's honest about it, right? Oy vey...

How Is He Not Already a Teenager?

I've discovered that in our house, the age of six is a very sassy age. Sometimes the stuff that comes out of Theo's mouth reminds me of what I would expect to hear from a teenager. Like this gem:

Me: Theo, you need to go to your room for 10 minutes, and when you come out, your attitude better have improved!
Theo (after ranting and whining about the injustice got him nowhere): Fine! But I'm going to my room because I want to, NOT because you tell me to!

God help me when he really is a teenager!

A Solution to Standardized Testing

No one likes standardized testing, right? Theo has come up with quite the solution:

Theo: Mom, we're going to the computer lab at school tomorrow!
Me: Really? I thought the other grades were still doing testing in there.
Theo (very seriously): No. We're going to arrest them. They're going to juvenile hall.

Well, I suppose that's one way to free up the computer lab—and save the kids from the dreaded standardized tests!