Culinary Delights

Today, Sam had his first bite of real food: peaches! Although I knew Theo would enjoy "helping" to feed Sam, I decided to do it while he was in his room on Quiet Time, since the first time can be a bit tricky. When Theo came downstairs and saw the empty bowl with a baby spoon in it, he said, "What's that?!" I explained that Sammy had tried peaches, and Theo said, "Can I share some peaches with him?" I replied that he could the next time I fed Sam, and he then said, "Actually, can Sammy have some salami?"

Hmmm, I don't think heavily processed, cured meats are on the "Approved Baby's First Foods" list!

The Pitfalls of Pee

Theo has recently begun standing to pee (which is actually rather comical, since he tends to stretch his "parts" out like a piece of Silly Putty--ouch!). The other day, I was trying to shove a tuna sandwich down my throat quickly, while Sam wailed. (He's in a "hold me all the time, Mommy!" phase, but my back was killing me after a couple of weeks of this, so I put him down to eat my sandwich.) Theo chose that moment to have to go potty, and I heard this from the bathroom:

Theo: Mommy! I made a HUGE poop!
Me (around a mouthful of tuna): Terrific. Be sure to wipe yourself and then flush.
Theo: And actually, Mom, I peed all over my socks.
Me (snickering around said mouthful of tuna): Okay, that happens. Just take them off and leave them in the bathroom for me.

A few minutes later, I see Theo wandering around with his socks on.

Me: Theo, I told you to take off your socks and leave them in the bathroom for me!
Theo: Actually, I'm just wearing them wif pee, Mommy.

Of course...why not?!

Hit Man

I'm beginning to fear for my life. Theo desperately wants to go to daycare (because his lady love Paulina goes), and he has hatched a plan to bump off me and Chris so he can go. The discussion went something like this:

Theo: I want to go to daycare!
Me: You don't have to go to daycare--Mommy works at home so she can stay home with you.
Theo: When I don't have a mommy and daddy anymore, then I can go to daycare!
Me: You're always going to have a mommy and daddy....
Theo: When mommy and daddy go on vacation, then I can go to daycare!
Me: Well, usually you go with us on vacation....
Theo: When mommy and daddy are in the stars, then I can go to daycare!

"In the stars" is his description of what most people would call heaven--where people go when they die. We haven't wanted to get into discussions of religion with him, so it's been easiest to just tell him that deceased people and animals are "in the stars."

That said, if I find out he has taken out a large insurance policy on our heads, I'm going to be really worried.

Ruled by Logic

The thing that drives Chris most nuts about me is the fact that I'm logical to a fault. It seems that Theo has followed in my footsteps. Yesterday, we had this conversation when I noticed that he had colored the inside of our van with crayons.

Me: Theo, why did you color the inside of the van?!
Theo: Because I didn't have any paper.

Logical, yes? But here's the illogical kicker: He hates coloring and usually will only do it under duress! So why he suddenly felt compelled to color the inside of the van is beyond me! And don't ask me how he got crayons in the van--I have no idea. I suspect Chris, since I know I didn't give them to him!

He's in Good Company

Theo is certain he was present at Chris's and my wedding. And despite my grandmother's suspicions, he was not--he became a twinkle in our eyes about three weeks after the fact. But I don't care to explain conception and such to him in great detail at this point, so our recent conversation went like this:

Theo: Mommy and Daddy got married there [pointing to the lodge where we were married]!
Me: Yep!
Theo: And I was there, too!
Me: Nope, you weren't there.
Theo: Where was I?
Me: You weren't here with us yet.
Theo: But where was I?
Me: You hadn't been made yet. You remember how Sammy grew in my tummy for a long time? So did you--but you hadn't even started to grow in my tummy when we got married.
Theo: Well, where was I?
Me: Um...you were in the stars.
Theo: I was up in the stars with Johnny Cash!

Interesting. Who knew he was hanging out with the Man in Black while he waited to grace us with his presence?!

Someday It'll Be My Turn...

Following up on my previous post about Theo being stingy with his "I love you" when it comes to me...we had this conversation today.

Me (hugging Theo): I love you, buddy!
Theo: I love Sammy!
Me: Anyone else?
Theo: I love the dogs, too....

I'm trumped by two pugs. Nice. :-)

You like me! You really like me!

Remember the infamous Sally Field Oscar-acceptance speech where she said, "You like me!"? I felt that way the other day. Theo has only recently begun to verbally express love. He has shown it for a long time, but he never verbally said "I love you" until a couple of months ago, when he said it to Sam. (Side note: I think it's awesome that his first "I love you" went to his baby brother!) He continues to say it to Sam frequently. Shortly after he said it to Sam, he also said it to Chris. And then the dogs. But never me.

Now, I know that Theo loves me. In fact, second to Sam, he probably loves me more than anyone. I'm his mom, and I'm with him all of the time. But therein lies the problem: I'm his mom, and I'm with him all the time, so I'm the chief disciplinarian most of the time. And I have to devote a fair bit of attention to his baby brother. These things probably bug Theo, so he doesn't feel like telling me he loves me. And that's fine. Well, it's mostly fine. I let Theo think it's fine, and I know logically that it's fine...but a tiny piece of me would love to hear an "I love you" from him sometime...when he's ready.

The other day, we got close! He was sitting on my lap watching an episode of Blue's Clues when he turned around, put his arm around my neck, and said, "Mommy, I just...like you."

It's close. I'll take it. :-)

He Thinks We're Dim...

It's very apparent that Theo sometimes thinks Chris and I are idiots. Sometimes he thinks we hold the keys to the universe and can fix any problem, such as when his bus driver never arrived to pick him up for school, and he was certain that I could somehow remedy the situation and make his bus appear. (Alas, I could only remedy it by taking him to school myself, which didn't please him.) But other times, he thinks we're idiots. This was apparent the other night, when I overheard the following conversation between Theo and Chris:

Theo: Daddy, what did you pack?
Chris: In what?
Theo: Daddy, what did you pack?
Chris: What did I pack in what? I'm not sure what you mean, Theo.
Theo (speaking very slowly, with exaggerated enunciation and THE LOUD VOICE PEOPLE TEND TO USE WITH OTHERS WHO THEY DEEM NOT VERY BRIGHT): DADDY. WHAT. DID. YOU....PACK?

We never did figure out what he was talking about...which probably only furthered his assumption that we're idiots.

Body Language

For those who might not know this already, Theo struggles a bit with social behaviors--both reading people's social cues and knowing how to respond appropriately. (The school district calls it high-functioning autism, but who knows??) So, we're trying out various ways to help him learn how to read social cues and respond appropriately. One thing we're trying is an iPad app that came highly recommended. It's called "The Social Express," and it's an interactive program designed to help kids learn these skills. Theo likes to play with it, but I wasn't entirely sure it did much more than just amuse him. Apparently it does, as yesterday he announced from the back of the car:

"Mommy! Samuel is happy right now. His eyes are wide open, and his body is relaxed!"

He said this in the very same tone of voice as the narrator uses on the iPad app. I was glad to see he's actually taking something away from the app...and amused at his rather clinical diagnosis of Sam's state of mind!

Nice Try...

Theo is getting very eloquent in his arguments now. When I send him to his room, he used to just yell, "I want to get out!" in typical preschooler rage. But today, he tried a new tactic:

"Mommy! It's very important that I get off timeout!"

I was so amused that I asked him what was so important (thinking there was an off chance that maybe he really did have a good reason, like a bathroom emergency). Alas, he didn't have an answer, so he stayed on timeout. But I remained amused by his eloquent attempt to get out of his room!

Why Sam Is My Hero

Chris changed a lot of diapers when Theo was a baby. He and I split childcare duties about 50/50, since we were both working pretty much full-time. But now Chris has a (relatively) new job that requires a lot more time away from home, so I do about 90% of the childcare. This means that Chris has changed very few of Sam's diapers. So it was to my great amusement today when I heard an anguished, "SAM! You couldn't wait another five seconds?!" from the master bedroom, where Chris was changing Sam. It seems that Chris took the diaper off, and Sam chose that very moment to poop...all over the changing table and his outfit. And as Chris frantically searched for something to clean it up with, Sam pooped again.

Why did I laugh at my poor husband's fate? Because two nights ago, as I was finally attempting to have a lovely, peaceful bathroom experience (after both boys were asleep, of course, since I can't poop in peace when they're awake), I discovered A SPIDER CRAWLING DOWN MY ARM! Yes, as I was attempting to, as Kaiser calls it, "evacuate my bowels," A SPIDER CRAWLED DOWN MY ARM! Have I mentioned that I hate spiders? And when I shrieked that a spider was crawling on me, Chris, who was outside the door to the toilet brushing his teeth, started laughing. (And let me just say that Chris hates spiders as much as I do. He would not have been laughing if it was him!)

So I like to think that this was Sam's way of extracting revenge on my behalf. Payback's a b**ch, eh?!

Gun Control

Theo is learning all sorts of fun things at his new preschool, such as how to stand up and pee. He's also coming home with some fun comments, such as the one he came up with out of the blue yesterday:

Theo: Mommy, teachers don't like guns.
Me: They don't?
Theo: It's not a good idea to bring a gun to school, Mommy.
Me (stifling a laugh): No, it's definitely not a good idea!

I was wondering where this came from, and then it occurred to me: sharing! Turns out one of the kids in his class brought a water gun for sharing, and evidently the teacher counseled him against doing this again. I just had to laugh because a commentary on guns in schools was pretty much the last thing I expected to hear Theo calmly deliver as he was eating his after-school snack.