The Ailing "Peanut"

Theo has a urinary tract infection, and he is not happy about it (understandably). But in his world, all he understands is that it really really hurts to pee--and his "member" hurts. Now, Theo knows and uses the correct terminology for anatomy, but because I don't really want this blog post to get hits from perverts trolling the Internet for nastiness, I'm going to substitute the similar-sounding name of a nut for the actual word he used. You can fill in the blanks and imagine how much fun our conversations were today, as we attempted to salvage Father's Day despite having a rather ailing kindergartner in tow.

We headed over to Half Moon Bay to enjoy a cool day at the beach, and our first stop was a farmer's market, where Theo loudly announced, "I don't want to go potty! I don't like my 'peanut' sores! I don't want blood to come out of my 'peanut'!"

After explaining that it's not really polite to talk about "peanuts" in public (and dragging the poor kid into the bathroom, where he screamed mightily while attempting to urinate), we went to our next stop: a fancy-pants grocery store to pick up some food for a picnic lunch. This grocery store had a little cafe area, and several people were enjoying their lunch when Theo came bolting out of the bathroom (where Chris had taken him for yet another pee attempt), ran over to me, and loudly announced, "Mommy, I peed all over the floor! Because that's what you do when your 'peanut' is sick--you pee all over the floor!"

We reiterated the lesson that it's not polite to talk about "peanuts" in public, but Theo doesn't really grasp such things. So after we settled ourselves at a table outside to eat (having decided that it was a bit windy for a picnic on the beach), naturally Theo launched into more "peanut" talk: "Mommy, my 'peanut' says it doesn't have to pee until tomorrow. We'll get my medicine today, and I'll feel better tomorrow. Then my 'peanut' says I can pee again." "Mommy, why is my 'peanut' sick? I don't want to have a sick 'peanut'!" And so on and so forth...

And finally, after spending a nice hour at the beach, we headed for home. And at least we were safely in the car when Theo asked if we could go home, and I replied, half-jokingly, "Soon. First we have to stop at Kaiser to get your medicine so your 'peanut' will be happy again." And he replied, "Yes, Mom. My 'peanut' is not happy. My 'peanut' is very, very serious today."

Indeed. It was not a happy day for "peanuts"....