Authoring

So, I recently added author to my list of jobs, and Theo's been talking about how he wants to write books too. Had an amusing conversation on the way to school the other day.

Theo: I'm writing a book, Mom. [Said as he types away on a keyboard he brought in the car.]
Me: Really? Cool! On what?
Theo: It's called "The History of Beer and Wine, 1987."
Me (laughing): Okay... That's an unusual choice for a kid your age.
Theo: I need to know when wine was invented.
Me: Hmmm, I'm not sure, but I'm sure it was thousands of years ago.
Theo: Could you look that up for me?

Evidently I'm now his research assistant. Hope I get a credit in the Acknowledgments for that.

(In case you're wondering, Chris looked it up, and it was supposedly in Georgia (country, not state!) in 6000 B.C.)

Life's Injustices

Theo's big birthday wish was to spend the night in a hotel, so we took him to one after a day of visiting with his grandma, auntie and uncle, and cousins. But the next morning, he was in an emotional tizzy about leaving the hotel this morning. He sat on the couch with tears rolling down his cheeks after realizing that none of his plans for how to stay would work. It was hard to keep a straight face during our conversation:

Theo: Well, I am just going to become president, and I will change the law!

Me: What law?

Theo: To say that you can stay in a hotel for eight days!

Me: You can stay in a hotel for eight days; you just have to be able to pay for it.

Theo: Well, then, you should put Sam down for a five-hour nap so you can work to pay for it! [Clearly he thinks my hourly pay is a whole lot more impressive than it really is!]

Me: It would take a lot more than five hours of work to pay for eight days in a hotel, I'm afraid.

Theo: Well, then I am just going to take all of the dishes and plates and especially wine glasses, because they're very breakable, and I'm going to put them in the bedroom and lock the door! 

Me: Well, how would that keep us from leaving the hotel?

Theo: You couldn't open the door to the bedroom to get me out, because you would break everything! [Hmm, pretty decent idea, but still not a solution.]

Me: Theo, I love you. [I thought maybe some reassurance would help.]

Theo: Yes. And how unfair is it that you don't let me drink out of wine glasses?!

Me (stifling a smile): Tell you what. As a special treat tonight, you can drink water out of a wine glass.

Theo: Why not always?

Me: Ahhhh, Theo! Have you ever heard anyone tell you not to look a gift horse in the mouth?

Theo: No. And how unfair is it that Papa gets to take his drink in the family room and I can't?!

After the list of injustices concluded, he moved on to his plans to skip school for the week. Good to know something things never change...and that the hotel was clearly a hit!

Wining and Dining

Theo told me the other day that he wants to date one of his classmates, and we had this conversation:

Me: Really? What do you plan to do on this date? 

Theo: I'm going to take her out to fast food and then a hotel.

Evidently my six-year-old is some kind of low-budget lothario.

Kindergarten Reading

Theo went on a field trip yesterday to an organization that provides books for kids in underprivileged areas. So in the morning, I told him we needed to pick out a few books to donate. "But Mom!" he cried in alarm. "You can't give away my 'Elevator Design and Maintenance 1906' book!" 

No worries, son—I'm reasonably sure you're one of the very few elementary school kids who is interested in early twentieth-century elevator design. I think we can keep that one.

Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor

Theo has reached the very fun age of injustice--you know, "It's not fair!" about everything. I'm not amused. So today we had this conversation. 

Theo: You never get me anything!
Me: Are you serious?! Do you have any idea how many nice things I do for you? I bought you mango today because I know you like mango. I bought you the pretzels you like the other day. Sometimes I get you an apple juice when we're out. I get you a LOT of things I know you like! 
Theo: Well, but you never get me wine or beer.

True. He's got me on that one.

Nasal Hygiene

Theo, as he climbed into bed to snuggle with Chris on Sunday morning, "Dad!! Why do you have fur in your nose?"

Chris was not amused. I, however, laughed like crazy. Of course, I can...I don't have fur growing in my nose.

Four-Year Hiatus

Theo is not a fan of school. This morning, he announced, "Mom, school isn't my favorite. I don't really like it. I want to get fired from it, okay Mom?"

"You can't get fired from school," I replied.

"Why not?" he shot back. "I do work there, and you can get fired from anyplace you do work!"

Hmmm, he makes a good point. He then told me he'd consider going back to school in fifth grade, maybe, but for now he needs a break. Given that he's in kindergarten, that's a pretty long break!