I Think He's Cussing Me Out

Lately, when Theo gets particularly angry with us, he mutters about how we're "sycophant pinchers," which we suspect is his misinterpretation of "sonofabitch." We have no proof of this, though, so it's a bit hard to punish him for it when we're not certain...and when what he's REALLY calling us is "pinching people who act attentive to someone else to gain an advantage."

It's an interesting insult, for sure...

Guess He Told Me...

A couple of weekends ago, Theo got an epic three-hour timeout. Trust me, it was well-deserved. However, he doesn't agree. Several days later, he told me this:

"Mom, that timeout you gave me last weekend was unacceptable and disrespectful to me!"

I expect a six-year-old to be mad about a timeout—but his eloquence about his displeasure greatly amuses me. :-)

Pizza Field Trip #2

Theo, on yesterday's pizza parlor field trip:

"It was good, Mom. The first bathroom was terrible, though. It had peanuts and popcorn and breadsticks in the toilet."

Um...ewww! What the heck?

Pizza Field Trip #1

Theo, on a recent field trip to the pizza parlor:

"It was good, Mom. They had pizza, and you could play games and watch the Disney Channel if you were interested. But I didn't do much of that, Mom. I sat and watched the news with Ashley. She's 17, Mom...."

He likes the older women. :-)

The Kid Handbook Comes Back

Theo has decided to invoke the "kid handbook" whenever it suits him. (See here for the original discussion of it.) Today, it was to lobby to bring an iPod to day camp with him.

Me: No, you are not bringing an iPod to camp!

Theo: Why not?

Me: Because camp is for playing with your friends and playing outside and doing crafts and having fun with other kids...not for sitting around with an iPod.

Theo: But it's in the kid handbook that I can bring an iPod to camp. I know it is, Mom, because I wrote the kid handbook.

Good grief, imagine a world where Theo wrote the rule book!

The Kid Handbook

Theo was being argumentative and feisty on a recent morning, and I had had it. So when he demanded, "Why are you always bossing me around all the time?" I sarcastically replied, "Because it's in the parent handbook that parents are to boss their children around." Without missing a beat, he replied, "Well, the kid handbook says that kids are supposed to argue with their parents!"

Sometimes I lament the fact that he inherited my snark...

Deep Thoughts on Presidents, Illness, and Death

Theo: Mom, why did Ronald W. Reagan die before Jimmy Carter? Jimmy Carter was supposed to die first!Me: He was? Why?Theo: Because, Mom, Jimmy Carter was president in 1977 and Ronald W. Reagan was president in 1981.Me: Oh, I get it. Well, Ronald Reagan was older than Jimmy Carter. And he was very sick. He had something called Alzheimer's disease.Theo: So he died?Me: Yes.Theo: Am I going to get Alzheimer's disease?Me: I hope not! And definitely not for a long time. People get it when they're much, much older. Theo: Who gets Alzheimer's disease?Me: Well, anyone CAN get it, but usually not until they're very old. You know how Sam has Down syndrome? People with Down syndrome get it a lot...but not until they're 50 or 60, usually. Theo: So is Sam going to get it and die?Me: Hopefully by the time Sam is 50 or 60, they'll have a cure for it. They're working hard to find a cure.Theo: Oh, okay. Well, did Ronald W. Reagan have Down syndrome, then?

I guess I should've seen that one coming, huh?!