A Matter of Critical Importance

I have to take Sam to the ENT on Friday because the tubes in his ears don't seem to be draining, and he keeps getting ear infections. Unfortunately, due to the timing of the appointment, I have to bring Theo with me. (Dragging him along to a boring doctor's appointment isn't particularly fun for anyone involved. He's reasonably well-behaved, but he's like any bored five-year-old boy confined to a small exam room...antsy.) I told him about this yesterday, and we had the following conversation:

Theo: Mom, are you picking me up at school on Friday?
Me: I am. And then we have to go to Antioch Kaiser.
Theo: Why?
Me: Because Sam's ENT doctor needs to check his ears.
Theo: Oh good, Mommy. I need to talk to her.
Me: You do?
Theo: Yes, Mom. I need to tell her about the boogers in my nose. Why are they there? Why are there so many boogers in there? I don't like them, Mom. And what's up with my ears? I need to ask her that, too.

I can see the ENT will be getting a little more than she bargained for when we arrive. :-)

Combining Efforts

Today's bizarre conversation with my son, regarding Chris's and my upcoming appointment with our estate lawyer to finalize our wills and Sam's trust:

Theo: Mommy, when you go to the lawyer's office, will there be a lot of very old people there?
Me: Not that I'm aware of. Why?
Theo: I mean old people in their boxes!
Me: Boxes? Why would old people be in boxes?
Theo (getting frustrated by my ignorance): Their BOXES, Mommy! Like they're really old, and they look like they're sleeping but really they're dead, and they're in boxes! Will they be at the lawyer's office?

Ohhh. I get it now. Wills = old dead people = lawyer's office turning into a morgue. It all makes sense now. And suddenly I'm creeped out by our upcoming appointment. 

Reports of My Death Have Been Greatly Exaggerated

Out of the blue, Theo announced matter-of-factly, "Mom, you aren't going to die tomorrow."

Excellent. I have plans for tomorrow. No time to die...

How Batman REALLY Fights Crime

Today, we had a discussion about superheroes:

Theo: Mom, Batman gets rid of the bad guys. He bats them away!
Me (laughing): Well, he does get rid of the bad guys, but I'm not sure he bats them, necessarily.
Theo (perplexed): But his name is Bat-man...

Excellent point. I never thought of his name being derived from the verb form of bat, rather than the noun form!

Seafood Connoisseur

Theo, on seafood:

Theo: What did you guys have for dinner last night?
Me: Sushi!
Theo: Would I like sushi?
Me: You might. I'm not sure. The fish is kind of squishy, and you're not always a fan of squishy foods.
Theo: I don't think I'd like that, Mom. I more like fish sticks. They're crunchy and delicious. And the fish are dead, Mom.

Ah yes--dead. Important criterion with respect to food.

The Dearly Departed

Theo has been somewhat obsessed with death lately. Number one, he finds ghosts fascinating, and he thinks people turn into ghosts the minute they die. And number two, he's just trying to put together a very nebulous concept—Theo is very logical-minded and likes everything to have a quantifiable answer, so a vague concept like death is of endless fascination to him. The other day, we had this little chat:

Theo: Mom, I don't know what RIP means.
Me: It stands for "Rest in peace." You say it when someone dies. A lot of times when people die, they've been very sick, and when they die they're more comfortable. So you want them to feel peace.
Theo (pondering): Like Grandpa Steve. I feel sad for him because he died, but I want him to be happy. So rest in peace.
Me: Right! That would be a very nice thing to say.
Theo: I better say that to Mrs. Jacobson [his teacher] tomorrow!

Um, no. Given that she's alive and well and roughly my age, I'm pretty sure she doesn't want to be told to rest in peace!

Drought Relief

We here in California are in the midst of a terrible drought. I don't think we've seen any decent rain since last May—barely a drop, in fact. Everything is brown. But Theo has a solution. "Mom," he said seriously, "if I was thirty, I would just take a big plunger and use it on the sky to pull the rain out!"

Sounds like as good a solution as any, right? Anyone have a big plunger handy?