The Losing Team

Theo was messing around at the lunch table yesterday, and after a couple of warnings, Teacher Amanda said she removed him from the table. She told me she tried to talk to him about it afterward, and the conversation went like this:

Amanda: Theo, you lost your privilege...
Theo (interrupting with a wail): But I don't want to lose like the 49ers!

Evidently their Super Bowl loss was harder on him than we knew!

Male Fashion

Another interesting car-chat with Theo:

Theo: Mom, do you wear a bra to bed?
Me: Yes, I do.
Theo: All women wear bras, Mom. But only some men do. Not all men. Just some...

I don't really want to think about that....

The Very Long Time-Out

Theo's been getting in a bit of trouble at school lately, and he was talking to me about it in the car:

Theo: And if you are messing around at the lunch table, Mom, you will get a very, very long time-out.
Me: I see. Did Teacher Amanda give you a long time-out?
Theo: Yeah...
Me: Oh. Well, maybe you shouldn't mess around at the lunch table....
Theo: It was a big, big time-out, Mom. I think it was about 66 minutes.
Me (laughing): Sixty-six minutes? Probably not quite...
Theo: Sixty-six minutes, Mom. Or maybe a thousand....

That's really quite a time-out. Not that I haven't been tempted to put him on a thousand-minute time-out myself....

The Bitter Taste of My Own Words

Ah, Theo has reached the age where he throws my words back at me. For example, yesterday morning I said in exasperation (having said the same thing several times already): "Theo, be gentle with your brother! You need to hug him gently!"

To which Theo responded, "Mom, what is the problem today? Why are you being so feisty?"

Yup, you can guess where he got that phrasing from! Sigh...

I'm Raising a Smartass

I expected my offspring to be smartasses, since I tend to be a bit of one myself. I did not, however, expect this trait to show up so soon. Here's the latest exchange I had with smartass Theo:

Theo (playing Scrabble on the iPod in the car): I'm going to use a P as in penis!
Me: Theo, you know that's not appropriate.
Theo: Okay, Mom, then I'm just going to use a B as in bottom...[waits a beat]...of the ocean!

Little stinker! He got me on that one....

Call Him Jimmy Dean

At karate tonight, the instructor was talking to the kids about fitness. The conversation was pretty entertaining--particularly when Theo chimed in with his ideas about healthful eating.

Sensei Alex (the instructor): What are some things we can do to be healthy and fit?
Child #1: Exercise!
S. Alex: Yes, exercise! Great! What else?
Child #2: Eat healthy foods!
S. Alex: That's right! What are some healthy foods?
Child #2: Vegetables!
S. Alex: Right! What vegetables do you like?
Child #3: Broccoli!
S. Alex: Broccoli! I love broccoli--yes! What else?
Theo: Um, and you can also eat sausage to be healthy!
S. Alex (stifling a smile): Sausage! Well...yes. Sausage is a meat, so you can get protein from it. Now, what other vegetables do we like?
Child #4: Cucumbers! [Okay, they're a fruit, but who's checking?]
Theo: And actually, another vegetable is...sausage!

What can I say? The kid loves his sausage....

Editor in Training

Well, Theo may be following in his parents' footsteps. The budding editor tried to correct my spelling yesterday. We had this exchange:

Theo: Mom, how do you spell "Roxanne?" [He wanted to look up the song by the Police on YouTube.]
Me: R-o-x-
Theo (interrupting): No, Mom! ROCK-san! ROCK!

He looked at me like I was an idiot because clearly anyone can tell that after the R-o-, the next letter sound is /k/, and thus the next letter should be a C or a K, not an X!