Words to Live By

Uttered by Theo on our walk to school...apropos of nothing.

"Mom, enjoy your life until you die."

He's profound, that one. Or morbid. I haven't decided which.

Alex P. Keaton, Part II

Remember that old 1980s show, Family Ties? Michael J. Fox played Alex P. Keaton, the money-loving Republican son of liberal, semi-hippie parents? Evidently we're reenacting that. Chris and I tend toward the liberal side, but Theo seems to be an Alex P. Keaton in training, as evidenced by his schoolwork. I went to Back to School Night in September, and every kid had made a poster with his or her picture, saying what they wanted to learn. Twenty-five children said English, science, or math. One child said "money." Can you guess who it was?!

Mr. Confident

When we checked out a new sporting-goods store recently, Theo had to ride the elevator.

Theo: Mom, it's a Schindler HT! But it's missing a nameplate.

Me: Then how do you know it's a Schindler?

Theo (completely seriously): Well, Mom, because I know everything.

Confidence is not an issue in this child.

A Good Reason to Have Kids

Theo wanted to buy something at Target but didn't have money with him, so I told him I'd buy it and he could pay me back. But when I went to collect on the debt, he was less enthusiastic.

Theo: You mean you're going to keep my dollars?

Me: Yes, that's how it works when you buy something—the other person keeps your money.

Theo: Well, then I'm just going to marry Ella, and she will have kids, and they can give me money.

Wait a minute—your kids give you money?! I knew there was a reason I had them!!

In Praise of School

As I've mentioned, Theo isn't particularly a fan of school. About two weeks into the school year, I asked him how school was:

Theo: Fine.

Me: Tell me one thing you did in class today.

Theo: Boring work for babies.

Flattery

Some weeks ago, we got our family pictures taken. I put on makeup for the first time in almost a year, and when Theo saw me, his eyes lit up and he said, "Mommy! You look just like...a normal mom!"

I was glad he didn't say "a clown," at least....

Even He Has Standards

Theo: Mom, men and women have different body parts. But everyone has a bottom.

Me: That's true. Did you talk about that at school today or something?

Theo: No, I'm too smart for that. It's undignified.