He Becomes Ever More Like an Old Man

I recently came upon Theo sitting on the toilet, calmly playing Tetris or something on his iPod Touch.  I burst out laughing, as he looked like a little old man, and he looked at me calmly and said, "I don't want to alarm you, Mom, but I use my iPod in the bathroom now."

Apparently. I'll consider myself notified.

Priorities, People

Our budding capitalist appears to have his priorities already....

Things We Don't Do to the Dog

We have two pugs, who often annoy Theo (they can be rather obnoxious at times!), but deep down he loves them. And his love was on full display when we were discussing our itchy elder pug:

Chris: I think Luna has fleas.

Me: Huh. We'll have to do a flea treatment, I guess.

Chris: Yeah, maybe a bomb.

Theo: NO! Don't use a bomb! You can't blow up Luna!!

Yeah, that would be a bit extreme for a flea problem, wouldn't it?

I Don't Think That's the Title Disney Intended

Last weekend, the boys and I decided to have a movie night while Chris was out. I was going through Netflix to see what was available, and I said, "Oh, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang—that's an old one!" Theo innocently asked, "What's Shitty Shitty Good Bang Bang?"

Oh dear. I'm not even going to touch the joke possibilities with that one....

School Music

One of the best parts of Theo's new school is the fact that we can walk to it. So instead of sitting in traffic, frazzled and only half listening to Theo's morning chattiness (because, you know, I have to pay attention to cars and all that jazz), I can walk along with him and actually pay full attention. And some of what he has to say is pretty darn amusing. Last week, he had music class for the first time in his new school, and here was his take:

Theo: Mom, why does my school only do kids' music? Why don't they let us do grown-up songs in music class?

Me: Well, most schools only use kids' music. I guess it's because some parents don't want their kids listening to grown-up music. 

Theo: Well, I'm lucky because I get to listen to grown-up music at home.

Me: Yes, you are lucky....

Theo: That was God's decision, Mom.

Me: That you can listen to grown-up music? No, that was mommy and daddy's decision. Though it was God's decision to make you part of our family....

Theo: Yes, because God knew I needed to listen to grown-up music like AC/DC, Mom.

Indeed. I'm sure musical freedom factors heavily into the Almighty's decisions about families....

He's Not Hugh Hefner, I Promise

And continuing the lines of "embarrassingly inappropriate things said by my first-grader," Theo had his little friend Ella over for a play date on Friday, and as Ella's mom and I were chatting, Theo and Ella ran up to us, and Theo asked, "Hey, can Ella and I go take a shower together?"

As Ella's mom sat trying to stifle a laugh, I awkwardly said, "Um, no. We're playing down here." Theo, of course, wanted to know why. "Well, um, that's just not normally something you'd do on a play date. We're just playing down here." AWKWARD! I didn't want to get into a discussion about this on the spot! And honestly, I'm not even sure what I'd tell him, because I'm quite sure there was no sexual meaning behind it—he thinks it's the height of fun to use the hand-sprayer to shoot water in his mouth and then spit it all over the shower wall, and I suspect he wanted Ella to join in the fun.

But instead he sounds like some six-year-old Hugh Hefner. Oh, Theo....

Cereal Killers

Theo went to day camp over the summer, and it was a largely positive experience all around. However, he did pick up a few things from older kids that I wish he hadn't learned. One is the term "serial killer." He has no idea what this means—he asked us, "Is that someone who kills with cereal?" We told him it's not, but that it's something we'll discuss when he's older, and it's not appropriate to talk about now. Which of course means nothing to him other than probably inspiring him to use the term more often.

So last weekend, good friends of ours offered to watch the boys so we could have a lunch date. When we got back to their house, our grad-school friend said, "He was so good—so polite, saying please and thank you! But he did ask us if we knew what a serial killer was."

"Oh yeah," piped up her husband, "and he wanted to know if he could see our crawlspace."

Good grief, Theo—"Do you know what a serial killer is? And by the way, can I see your crawlspace?" Could you sound any more like a creep?! Thankfully, our friends know Theo and his personality very well and were completely unfazed and laughing about it.